For goodness sake woman, pull yourself together

(Embroidered on a scene from The Constant Gardener, 2005.)

this is all then 

the headmaster said

the meeting is adjourned 

for this evening

I raised my arm 

one moment

I said

and then I started 

it was this and that

I rambled on

and on

and on

shocked silences 

people got up 

seats slapped

and they left in drifts

how can no one understand

the years 

the years

the bullies 

the brats

the witches in trees

amidst my music dreams

how can you sleep 

mister headmaster 

at night

the hall was empty 

it was me and he

he looked at me

with empathy

I hung my head in shame 

the tears came

I grabbed my jacket

my bottle of water

and ran out into the night

but he came to me

and said

you’re quite scary you know

I was rude

and out of control

I said

he said

let me at least get you a drink 

at our fancy sports lapa

I know you music teachers never get invites

to our fancy sports lapa, well stocked

with LIQUOR

and then let me tell you

I sleep like a baby

I looked up at the sky

I smiled sadly 

that was that then 

some people can take it

others have to 

get out

.

just for me to read, ten years later

it was discovered that this headmaster 

had brain tumors, terminal cancer

and in six weeks after discovery

at the age of fifty-six

he was dead

like so many headmasters

who died, too young,  in the job

the sports bar in spite

.

as I wrote

some people can take it

others

get out

.

what is survival

I do not know

I always thought

I would die young

but at least, I did

pull myself 

together