Narcissistic Personality Disorder

I wrote her only piano composition
on her grey, desolate tombstone
see, it’s a little piece that she titled
Echo and Narcissus

narcissism is, among other things
the egotistical admiration
for one's own physical, essential
or mental qualities

just an arrogant pride
a psychological disorder
with often openly shameless behaviour
extremely serious and harmful

insensitive to the feelings of others
they try to inflate themselves
by humiliating, lowering, or belittling
someone of humble disposition

if these expectations are not met
there is blue murder and sometimes
a sick sexual satisfaction
in this insatiable, unhealthy self-love

where they always act
always want to be praised
and always
want to have the upper hand

when I was a child
I was often in trouble

it then culminated in assault
and she enjoyed it to attack me

to hurt me a lot physically

and also sexually

she particularly enjoyed
seeing me cry and cry and cry

and so she regained control of me
when she was able to order me about

.
we know that there is a lot of scum in this life
let's get art out of it, let's make art of it
let's be free to express it

even though it was impossible as a child
even as a woman, I eventually managed
to at last drive away

and now

we treat each other
carefully and preciously
like Renoster River's
endangered riverine rabbit

and show each other sculptures
nomads of Kaoko Desert stone

the artists cut the rocks
break open the views
as narrators of African tragedies
that fill our minds
as we drive close by
and far away 

into the distance

we’ve had enough
handle us with extreme care

I'm always milling around
this same knowledge

or

bluntly whispered in my mind
fuck off

🦋🍂🌿🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🌿🍂🦋

© Annora Eksteen, 2025

Bethulie Concentration Camp in 2011, where I found an Annie Nora who died there under horrific circumstances where I am still living a good life at 65 in 2026.