a girl was left disabled inside
hitting a girl by a mother left her so scared
a mother's penetrating finger
gave her orgasms
a mother's bleached hands left a girl
with brain damage
hitting a girl on her bare body
and more and more
a girl was emotionally manipulated
it was sexual abuse
with violence in that house
it was assault
a grandfather’s penis ejaculating
let me tell you about
semen all over her
and in her mouth
on the body of a very small girl
by a grandfather
and worse and worse
by a mother
a woman was left with
horrible penis repulsion
fear and anxiety
about orgasms
her mother's bad-mouthing breaking her
breaking her down for over 50 years
her whole life
a girl’s abusive, sick
narcissistic, sadistic mother
a girl’s dad didn’t care how much
he and the mother quarreled
in front of their children
hitting, throwing things through the air
having an outside affair
criticizing the mother, the mother
criticizing the father on and on
criticizing all the children
ridiculed a girl
the humiliation
in the car in the house in the kitchen
everywhere and always and in between
they wanted to party, visiting, talking, eating
through every weekend and during holidays
with millions of family and millions of friends
in front of other people, showing other faces
it went on and on, so many years and years
the father died broken
sick
a broken heart
a broken man
a broken house
a broken family
a broken girl
a girl who lived in fear of people, places
all those faces, the faces
the fear inside her
this fear of everything
of everybody except the closest
near and dear
a girl was left alone and poor
she does not visit anyone any more
no lunches, no evenings
or happy events ever again for her
no holidays by the seas
no candles for a girl on her old bday
no ladies brunch
preachers
they say it is okay to hit a child
they say it is not okay to be gay
they say sin, they say loads
and more comes from their gaping mouths
their mouths and more and more mouths
a girl does not hear love
a girl fell apart
and disappeared
through the door in the floor
down, down, down
a girl couldn’t work, couldn't speak anymore
not a word, not a squeak
but in silence she leaked
in poems and more and more
scribbles
her kids will marry, and she won’t have money
for presents for travel
nothing
nothing
a girl became nothing, a woman who lost
her lover, her cat, her dog, her pianos
her pantoufles and all that helped was
wine
a sleeping pill
every evening, when the sad memories came
every evening, her medications
and at last
the soothing sleep
in the mornings she couldn't face the sun
she was broken, all was gone
🦋
© Annora Eksteen, 2017 — 2025
Why?Annora, 2024
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